I’ll sum it up like this: since my last post, over a year ago, a LOT has changed, all of which have very long stories. I’m living in Delaware, I’m working on an MA in Theology through Notre Dame, I’m working in a Catholic church, I’m single, and I’ve experienced a lot of things I didn’t expect. But the point of this post is not to get into those stories, but to see if it’s possible for me to reboot this blog. For a variety of reasons, I’ve kept a personal journal lately and haven’t used this at all (obviously). Let’s see what can happen from here…

(Speaking of rebooting, anybody ever watch that show from the 90s called Reboot? All took place in a computer. Looking back, it’s kind of cute what they found B.A. and high tech and such.)

So, I’ll be doing some remodeling and such around here, if all goes according to plan. Then again, if you know me, you know how I tend to be about plans. But hey, not that I’m rationalizing my failures with plans, but it’s not my plans that matter, right?

This quote has appeared a lot for me lately, so I’m gonna end with this:

“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you, says the LORD, and I will change your lot.” (Jeremiah 29:11-14a)

*****EDIT*****

Gotta love how the last few posts have involved a ‘rededication’ of some kind.  Fail.  Regarding my plans, see above.

I have returned at least temporarily, though hopefully longer.  I am in the middle of a somewhat busy time, as I am applying to graduate schools and still working on homework.  However, this is one of those times when I realize that this is not all there is to life.  All of this work and perpetual focus on the future is, in the end, problematic.  I say this not because I think work is futile, but because I think it can be somewhat distracting, even that work which is important.

I tend to feel like Theology departments, at least the one here at Notre Dame, mostly have the correct perspective.  Theology departments are able to have the humility to admit that their work, while indeed very important, must come under the auspices of faith, of authentic relationship with God.  Theology is, at its nature, faith seeking understanding.  It is all-encompassing, because it seeks not only to understand the tenets of one’s faith; it also seeks to place it within the real world.  Theology appreciates the world as a gift; it appreciates that humanity was made beautiful and good and retains those qualities despite our fallen nature; it seeks to account for all that is good and evil in the world.  Theology has ultimate relevance to real life, because faith that does not fit with reality is useless.

Waiting for mass outside of a dorm chapel the other evening, some people were discussing which was the greater evil, abortion or contraception.  That’s great that they’re talking about it, but there was something that troubled me deeply about how they spoke about it.  The conversation went something like this:

“Which would you prefer people were doing, abortion or contraception?”
“I’m a good Catholic <slight laughter>, so I would say neither.”
“Well, yeah, so am I, but seriously, outside of being a Catholic, like, in the real world, which would you say? … Catholicism isn’t the same as real life, like out there.”

The conversation carried on for a short time, but it was primarily that last part that bothered me so much.  I don’t mean to judge those people involved in the conversation; they may well be great people.  However, what was said there pointed to a great problem in the modern Church.  Religion is seen as a Sunday thing, and it may even offer a little guidance to your thought at least superficially, but in the end, everybody knows that it’s unrealistic.  This view denies what truth you say that it actually has, because you refuse to admit that it has real relevance to or understanding of society.  What good is that sort of faith?

On a University campus, especially one as focused on academics as Notre Dame, it can be easy to place an inordinate amount of importance on things like your future and your work.  It seems to me that while these things are indeed important (I am applying to graduate schools, after all), it can never be as important as truly discovering how we are to live.  It’s the difference between being and living; by living, we find ourselves realizing who we are as persons created in the image and likeness of God.  How else can one explain the beauty in the world?  I am by no means the first to say this, but surely those moments of recognizing beauty, those moments of joy, however short, point us to greater goods.  Like Augustine described in Book XXII of City of God, and like Sir/Professor John Cavadini loves to demonstrate, the lesser miracles, even the daily wonders and beauties (miraculum is a wondrous thing, after all), evoke a sense of profound joy, wonder, and gratitude.  Recognition of beauty turns us away from ourselves, away from the pride (superbia) which resides within all of fallen humanity, and lifts up our souls, if even for a moment.  That moment of turning can bring us to authentic worship, because we begin to look for the One who is behind that beauty, for the object of our gratitude.

Today/Tonight, I was blessed with a couple of opportunities to engage in that great practice.  Right now, South Bend is being hit with a snow storm that is covering everything in several inches of snow.  Yes, I have seen snow many times since being up here at Notre Dame, but there is no denying the beauty of fresh snow.  I know many will say that it’s because I’m from Georgia that I derive so much enjoyment from snow, but I think there is something far greater at work.  But these opportunities that I mentioned were not merely seeing the beauty of fallen snow, which alone should be enough.

The first occurred in the early evening when standing outside of my dorm.  The light was beginning to dim slightly, and the whole earth and everything on it was covered with fresh snow.  The several new inches of the snow muffled the traffic in the distance just enough to make me more attentive.  I soon noticed a figure move in the woods behind my dorm, which proved to be a large white-tailed deer, a doe, standing in a deep bit of snow.  It came further out of the woods, and following it were five others, two or three of them fawns.  They walked together in the snow, occasionally glancing in my direction checking my own activity.  I considered going into my room to get my camera, but there seemed to be far more value in actually embracing the experience rather than trying to capture it on film.  After a time, when a snow plow drove by, the deer ran away, and I was left standing, watching, and offering up a prayer of praise and gratitude.

Later, when returning from work at Starbucks at 1:30 AM, I stopped by the snow-covered grotto to light a candle and pray.  I couldn’t help but smile widely at the sight of the flames of candles flickering in the shallow cave dedicated to Our Lady, while more snow gently fell.  The silence of the moment was far greater than before, and it was tremendously uplifting.  After taking a moment to share it with a friend, a Theology major named Laura, who had also made the trip to the grotto, I walked away marveling at what stood around me.  When I returned to my dorm, the same deer (presumably) stood in the snow, and I experienced that same feeling of wonder.  I again remained nearby in order to watch the beautiful sight.

Anyways, one thing that was striking to me about those inexplicable moments of transcendent joy was that in both instances, other students walked by at some point, but they refused to see the same beauty.  Several ignored the scenery entirely, and the few that I told about it barely acknowledged that it was interesting at all.  Only one actually came to look at the sight as well, and while it seemed that he found it somewhat interesting, he didn’t seem to acknowledge it as more than ordinary.  Again, I do not mean to judge them at all; rather, I wanted so greatly to share that moment with them, too.  Laura, whom I saw at the grotto, was the only one to express the same appreciation for the beauty of surroundings.  She even showed joy for the deer that she never got to see (my girlfriend Laura also grew excited when hearing about it).  I suppose since she was already in that posture of prayer, she, too, was able to find joy in the simplicity and peace of the moment.

If nothing else, this experience demonstrates how beauty can truly shock us into seeing God and gaining real perspective.  Faith and theology surely seems to make one more inclined towards recognizing this joy.  Theology acknowledges the importance of making time to see God’s signature in nature.  It encourages one to (as Cavadini says) “kneel before mystery” and to embrace beauty as more than superfluous trifles.  As we discussed in one of my classes today, in C.S. Lewis’s The Screwtape Letters, the demon Screwtape writes to junior tempter Wormwood that he must keep the man focused on the past and the future, because “The Enemy” (i.e. God) wants people to focus on the present and eternity.  With beauty, God encourages us to do precisely that, not to worry about our future goals and career aspirations, but to live where (and when) we are with an eye to eternity.  Beauty encourages greater unity with God.

That is why it’s so important to make time to “stop and smell the roses.”  It’s not only for a greater quality of life, but to help us to find God.  In order to be greater “ocular athletes,” we must make time for exercise.  That’s what I’m going to try to do more.

Since I’ve last written on this site, I finished up my Junior year of college, and I’ve been recuperating back home in Georgia.  Within the next few days, I will be returning to that same school for a fabulous program entitled ND Vision.

From where I stand, I see some pretty astounding changes coming for me.  Even stranger, however, is that I’ve started to notice the old giving birth to the new.  As a friend of mine recently said of our responsibilities, “We’re Seniors now, that means we’re expected to be doing stuff!”  The strange thing is, we both already have been, or at least, we have already begun.  Just next week, I will be on the opposite end of a retreat than I am used to.  While I’m not entirely in charge of everything (thank God!), I am a leader, a ‘mentor-in-faith.’  Yeah, sure, there are about 60 others in the same position, but in the end, this is a significant thing for me.

I’m used to being led, to listening, and to receiving.  Now, that’s not to say I’m a terrific follower, by any means, but I’m at least more used to it.  Here, I’m the one who assists, I’m the companion for the journeys of these teens.  When thinking about that recently, I grew anxious, because frankly, I don’t feel ‘ready.’  I asked a youth minister last week, “How can I possibly be a leader to these teens if I, myself, don’t feel spiritually ready?”  What she said in response hit me in a strange way and somewhat calmed me.  I’m human; only God is perfect.  Naturally, I don’t have everything perfect in my life, and really, it’s ok that I don’t feel prepared to lead and whatnot.  The only way things can happen is if they happen through God.  When I’m weak, God makes me strong, and it is when I acknowledge that weakness that I can allow God to work.  Of course I can witness to them, because it’s not just me who’s at work!   The interesting thing is, though, that while my weakness is quite real, I’ve actually already realized all of this.

I have already begun to adjust, to grow, and to take on my new roles in life.  My mindset has changed, to the point that I look to the future in terms of the present.  I’ve neither become obsessed with the events of the past nor with my hopes for the future.  Although in general, I am unsure where my life is headed, I am embracing my path with hope.  As for how that relates to ND Vision, I think that this perspective will help me to not only open myself up more, but also understand the perspectives of the teens.  Yes, we are each on a journey, but they are far from alone or independent.  As Fr. John Dunne echoed to his class (many times) from Christian history, all of our hearts’ desire is in God.  We each have are own paths to reach that desire, but we all have a common goal.

Whatever my personality may be, I can help.  I may be rather introverted, I may not know what to say all the time, and I may not be able to remember names very well, but dang it, I can do something.  I can be a mentor-in-faith despite all of my weakness.  And I can do so because I am not alone.  God is with me.

So I say to God, along with Kierkegaard (I think…), for all that is past, “Thanks!” and for all that is in the future, “Yes!”

I love the season of Lent.  It’s such a beautiful opportunity to experience renewal and resurrection.  It’s a time that really calls you to reflect on your life and to experience real growth.  The fasting, which a lot of people seem to view as either drudgery, has always seemed to me to be a means to an end.  When I was younger, I didn’t really understand that end, and now, I guess I don’t technically understand it, but I definitely have a little bit more insight about it than before.  Just like the prayer and almsgiving, it is, at a basic level, meant to turn our hearts to God.  In Lent, we once again allow him to be our focus in the world, both during and beyond these 40 days.

As for me, I simply hope that I will continually enter into this Lent with my whole heart, and I also hope that you, too, will grow in great ways.  And I know there’s probably a whole one (two?) of you reading this, but I hope that you have a blessed Lent.

Lots of love.

Chesterton had a tremendous love for all of Creation, and he loved his beer.  However, he found all sorts of limits to be beautiful and freeing rather than binding.  Thus the romance of such things as moderation, monogamy, and dogma.

I’m terrible at remembering names.  It can be somewhat of a source of anxiety for me, so when I meet someone, I always alert them to this memory problem.  Yet, I very much enjoy meeting people and learning about their lives.  And strangely enough, I can remember just about all of the facts of a person’s life EXCEPT his or her name.  Fortunately, I won’t have to remember anybody’s name in this introduction, just tell a little bit about myself.

It’s likely that if you’re reading this blog, you know me to some degree, but if you’re just stumbling across it while wandering aimlessly, here you go…

I go by Joey, but my name is Joseph.  I’m Roman Catholic.  I was born in Kentucky, lived in Georgia most of my life, and am now in Indiana as an undergraduate at the University of Notre Dame (go Irish).  I’m majoring in Theology.  I’m not completely sure what I’m going to do with my life, and I’m not really too concerned at this point.

And now, the random:

I love music.
I play piano and I’m learning to play guitar.
I play video games.
I’m growing in my love of reading.
For some reason, I really like allegory.
Also, I really enjoy discovering meaning in artistic works.
I’m a barista at Starbucks.
I have an absolutely beautiful view from the window of my dorm room
I get really excited about books with ribbons in them.
It’s extremely difficult for me to pick my favorite book, but I don’t think it has ribbons in it.
I also can’t pick my favorite movie.
I like giving people high fives (you’d be amazed how much joy that can give).
For very little reason, I know pi to almost 100 digits.
I have a beard that (I’m told) makes me look older than my brother (who is actually older by 4 years).
And lastly, I have a girlfriend of 3 years who is currently studying in Athens, Greece.

Ok, so, that’s my introduction.  Thanks for hanging with me there.  So, tell me something, anything, about your life now.  Whether I know you or not, how are you?  What do you enjoy about life?  Are you religious?  Why or why not?  Do you like to cook?  What music do you like?  If you could tell a person only one thing, what would it be?

So often, we are all (myself included) dragged down by boredom and apathy.  We should embrace this world, this life, that St. Augustine believed to be the greatest wonder of all.  Ideally, in every moment of our lives, we would be able to see the miracle that is our own existence and the goodness that exists in all creation, ultimately finding God behind and within it all.  For even in the briefest moment of wonder, we are drawn away from pride and selfishness, and we enter into the love of God.

This blog is an attempt to do precisely that.  Even the shortest of stories can hold great meanings, or at the very least, great insights.  My goal is thus to have a collection of short narratives and, with great luck, occasional reflections.  Naturally, not all of my entries will be so thought out, as that would not only be boring for anyone who reads this but also impractical with a college workload hanging over my head.  I intend for this to be a normal, day-to-day life kind of journal, but surely, every journal must have personal reflection.  Hopefully mine will provide me with real direction to start my journey.  If Chesterton is to be believed, everything in life can be wondrous for us, if we only learn to look for it.  Hopefully, the entertainment that I and (hopefully) any of my readers may get from this can lead to growth, or at the very least, a small amount of joy.

The word asceticism comes from the Greek word, askesis, which refers to athletic training.  With all of these things in mind, I must say, welcome to my personal askesis.  

Welcome to my Ocular Athletics.